Ok. I’m about to get way up on my high horse. I’ve freakin’ had enough. And I’m not gonna take it any more…and I’m not gonna be quiet about it, either.
Sorry. Not sorry.
TOO MANY MARRIAGES ARE ENDING…over the most stupidest of things. I have several married friends and family members who are facing a difficult and, frankly, ugly divorce…and these marriages could be totally SAVED and RESTORED if only both parties would sincerely and intentionally put in the work of making it work.
Believe me…marriage is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do here on this planet of earth! I know that fo’ sho!!!
Many years ago, David and I came to an impasse in our marriage…and we had to decide if it was worth trudging through the literal caca-doodoo-peepee to make it work…or give up and go our separate ways. We had always said that divorce was NEVER on the table…but murder? Yep…still a legit option.
I saw a video today that I’ve seen before. It’s touching. It makes me cry.
Every. Single. Time. I. Watch. It.
I want it to be the story of my life with my David.
And it can be. And it can be your story, too.
Know what??? Yes….there are legitimate reasons for a marriage to end.
Many marriages must end because of certain unforeseeable, uncontrollable, unforgettable circumstances.
But look…instead of asking, “Is _________ grounds for a divorce?”, often the question should be, “Is _________ grounds for forgiveness, restoration and/or counseling?”
Is divorce ever to be treated lightly or considered the first recourse? Absolutely not. God is capable of changing and reforming any person. God is capable of healing and renewing any marriage.
As a pastor’s wife…and a friend to those who have or are considering divorce…I have heard nauseating reasons about why people are considering getting divorces – even among Christians.
The reasons are many but NONE of these are acceptable to God:
“I fell out of love with my wife/husband.”
“God is telling me to leave my husband and marry this other man.”
“I just don’t have anything in common with her/him anymore”
“My husband/wife just doesn’t love me anymore.”
“This just can’t be God’s will for my life anymore.”
“We are incompatible.”
“He/she lied to me before we got married.”
“They would be happier without me.”
“I would be happier without him/her.”
There’s a basketful more, but none of these are acceptable…and only those mentioned in the Bible are truly-and-biblically-acceptable reasons for divorce. That doesn’t count abuse, or ongoing sexual immorality. God says it is a SIN to divorce unless you have biblical grounds for it.
Malachi 2:16 says this: “I hate divorce, and I hate the cruel things that men do. So protect your spiritual unity. Don’t cheat on your wife.”
And Matthew 19:6 says, “What God has joined together, let no man separate…”
In today’s culture, many see divorce as a positive solution to a troubled marriage. But a Harvard sociologist by the name of Armand Nicholi III concluded, “Divorce is not a solution, but an exchange of problems.”
Exactly. You take your own problems/issues/insecurities/fears/distrusts with you into a new relationship. Always.
In a more personal way, novelist Pat Conroy said of his own marriage break-up, “Each divorce is the death of a small civilization.”
Isn’t that the truth???
My David has often said, if you took the boo-coos of money and time and energy and sweat and tears spent during the divorce process and spent those exact things on any and all measures to save your marriage, you’d succeed at saving the most important relationship in your life, short of your relationship with Christ…the one who saved our sorry behinds.
Back to the before-mentioned video….I watched it again tonight. I’ve seen it before…several times. And it still makes me cry huge, ugly tears. THIS is how a marriage ought to be. The way God designed it. From day one…….…to day last.
I’m SOOO tired of hearing that marriages/relationships are ending. Just done with it!!
I don’t know how to say it any other way: Satan is out to destroy ANYTHING that is a picture of the love of our amazing GOD!!! And if he can kick you in the marriage-butt, he’s got a foot in the door of pretty much everything else in your life.
He LOVES to see us defeated…sad…overcome…depressed…just over it…tired…[fill in the blank]…….
DO NOT LET HIM DO THAT!!
FIGHT HARD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE & YOUR FAMILY!!!!!
Wandering away from the life that God wants for us starts here…in our home…in the living room…in the bedroom…at the kitchen table.
Make sure that you…your spouse…your kids…are looking toward the purposes that God has set out for all of everyone. And walk in that. Follow that. LONG for that. It’s the only way that we can make it to the end, in spite of the poo we go through as couples, or parents, or friends.
I’m tired of hearing all the heartache that is coming between husbands and wives.
I know there are things that we personally (yes, including me) do that sabotage our relationships. Ain’t none of us perfect. But, as I said earlier, when does forgiveness come into play? When does, “I know that totally sucks big time, but I’m willing to put in the work to make this happen” come into play?
You know this…it’s no surprise…we can ALL screw up royally when it comes to our marriages. But, if you really want it to work out and to succeed and to show our littles that it’s not all bad, you HAVE to put in the work.
So, for the love of all that is holy (including marriage…) do all you can to make it work. To meet in the middle. To forgive. To build trust. To build bridges. To let go of the past. To look forward to all that CAN be because you’ve given it all to Jesus.
I HATE hearing about love that’s been lost.
But I LOVE hearing about love that’s been found again…because of the healing power of Jesus in our lives.
It’s not too late!
It’s not too late!
It’s not. Too. Late.